Bullying people on social media is the only way to make them agree with you

On the battlefields of social justice, we seek to put an end to bullying.

And the only way to do that is to take to social media and bully everyone who disagrees with us.


Take jokes personally - especially the ones made ages ago

Comedians make jokes.

But all of their jokes need to be run by you first.

If a comedian makes a joke you find offensive, the best option isn’t to ignore it and move on with your life with the realization that sometimes people are going to say things that make you uncomfortable.

No, the correct response is to campaign against them on social media until their sponsors drop them or their hosting gigs are canceled.

Be careful not to give a joke a free pass even if the comedian is “on your side” politically. Even jokes that have progressive-leaning messages behind them are unacceptable if they mention race or sexuality at all. Reminding people that multiple races and sexual preferences exist can be highly triggering, somehow. And our goal is to ensure that nobody ever feels even slightly uncomfortable, so we need to preemptively censor these jokes before anyone does get offended.

Remember, you’re making the world a “better place” by removing all comedy that could be taken offensively.

When they apologize to you, double down on the bullying

A heartfelt apology isn’t cause to put the brakes on the bullying train. What are you, a decent human being? No, get out there and pile onto the apology tweet with even more.

Here’s an example of how it’s done. Take Norm Macdonald’s apology tweet, written shortly after the Twitter mob went after him.

Now, look at the most-starred comments on that tweet:

That's how it's done. Bonus points for using the word "mansplain" unironically.

So there you have it. Take all your anger out by bullying some public figure on social media. Trust me, you’ll feel better about your miserable life.

You’re making the world a “better place.” Right? Right?