Four Ways Your Life Would Be Better If Trump Hadn't Been Elected

We’d be living in a near-utopia now if Trump hadn’t been elected.

Here’s why.

Trump

1. You’d be rich

Trump’s tax plan raised taxes for the median American household by a whopping 487%. Couple that with the increase in healthcare costs when the Great Cheeto repealed Obamacare, and the average American family lost out on an incredible $174,538 last year. Amazing.

Your house under a Clinton administration. Would have been nice, huh?

2. You’d be in shape

It’s impossible to stay fit under a Trump administration.

Life is stressful enough when you know a former reality star is waltzing around the Oval Office. Scheduling in daily exercise and a healthy diet? Who do you think I am, Superman?

And there’s no time to hit the gym when you need to spend the day #resisting on /r/politics. Orange man isn’t going to #resist himself.

Think about what your body could have been under Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Not bad.

3. You’d be funny

Let’s face it. Your sense of humor died the day Trump moved into the White House.

You get all of your jokes from Stephen Colbert now, and they’re starting to get a little repetitive. Your friends are sick of hearing you crack jokes about orange hairpieces.

If Trump hadn’t taken office, your wit would still be as sharp as steel.

So I says to the guy...

4. Your dog would still love you

Everyone handled their election night sorrow in different ways.

Some took days off of work to mourn. Others drank themselves into a stuper.

You kicked your dog. Hard.

This never would have happened if the Russians hadn’t hacked their puppet into office.

Sorry, Sparky. I know you didn't vote for him. Did you?