Free speech is fascist

It’s time we put an end to free speech once and for all.

It’s the only way to keep from becoming a truly fascist nation.


In what may have been his most fascist move to date, President Trump announced today that he was going to sign an executive order requiring universities to support free speech, otherwise their federal research money would be pulled.

Anyone who knows anything about history knows Hitler loved free speech, which is why free speech is such a fascist concept.

He didn’t want to wind up on the wrong side of history, so he readily encouraged dissenters to voice their opinions to him, and always tried to imagine situations from others’ perspectives. One of his first actions in office was to host book un-burning ceremonies, where his supporters would find burned remains of books containing controversial opinions, and meticulously pieced them back together with advanced technology, so that no ideas were ever lost to history. Especially the ones he disagreed with.

If you support free speech, you’re literally supporting Hitler’s favorite thing. He loved free speech even more than he loved musicals.

As we’ve said in the past, we believe it’s an unalienable right of a grown adult to be able to go about their day without ever having to hear an opinion with which they disagree.

Can you imagine that? Having to interact peacefully and respectfully with people who hold opinions different to your own? Fuck. That. Shit.

You’re a few months away from graduating with your degree in English Literature, and you don’t need to take shit from anybody.

This is why we recommend carrying an Anti-fascist Whistle everywhere you go. If somebody dares subject your brain to any sort of cognitive dissonance, simply blow on the whistle repeatedly so their voice cannot be heard.

Your ticket to stopping fascism once and for all.

If someone tries to call you out for being anti-free speech, there’s an easy defense. Just say you want hate speech banned. Unless you’re talking to someone who graduated from high school, they won’t think to ask the obvious question: “Who gets to decide what’s considered hate speech and what’s not?”

If they do dare to ask that question, just remind them to check their privelege. Because of their privilege, they don’t get to voice their opinion the matter. Just as white people need to shut up completely about racism, and men need to shut up about anything that involves a woman’s rights, privileged people need to shut up about censorship and free speech.

A conservative at UC Berkeley recently tried to peacefully demonstrate his views. Luckily, this honorable liberal was on-scene to punch him in the face. That's how you fight fascism and promote tolerance!