Think you’re so progressive in your future Prius, huh? While it’s better than a Hummer, you’re still wasting our delicate planet’s finite resources. And for what? To truck your fat ass to Zumba a little faster? Please.
It’s time to think bigger.
It’s time to replace your car with a horse.
Fuck dogs. Horses are a woman/genderqueer/non-binary’s best friend.
Saddle up, bucko, because we’re about to get buck wild with facts.
Did you know that compared to your standard shaggin’ wagon, horses are:
- 100% more fuel-efficient (J.D. Power & Associates, 2019)
- Up to 50% safer in a collision (Hot Chicks Riding Big Black Horses, VHS 1994)
- 20% harder to paint (Trust me, yesterday)
And horse farts contribute 29% less methane to the Earth’s atmosphere than cow farts. So be sure to give your local farmer a condescending smirk as you pass zher on zhis tractor.