Proposal: Mandatory safe spaces nationwide

Sometimes, people will express opinions with which you don’t agree.

The proper response is, of course, to bother them until they stop expressing those opinions. If possible, maybe throw out an accusation of some form of bigotry, or put them on blast on social media.

But when that doesn’t work, how do you cope with being exposed to ideas that don’t fit into your narrowly-defined worldview?


Being exposed to opinions that differ from your own is an uncomfortable experience

The idea of allowing other people to freely express their own ideologies - whether that be in person, on a blog, or in your social media feed - is simply ridiculous. You may accidentally run into something that challenges your existing beliefs, and that’s unpleasant. Sure, you can unfriend every right-leaning person you know on Facebook, you can block every channel except CNN on your TV, and you can live in your basement.

We feel it is an inalienable right for a grown adult to be able to live their lives without ever experiencing any form of mild discomfort.

Really, there’s no reason for it. Once you’ve completed your first semester of college, you’re all done growing as a person. There’s no more need to expose yourself to new ideas. You already know everything there is to know about, well, everything, and you’re willing to prove it at a moment’s notice. Anything that falls outside of your belief system is hate speech.

But what if someone still manages to express a disagreeable opinion around you? Where do you run?

Enter: the safe space.

We propose a constitutional amendment that guarantees one 10x10 safe space within every square mile of inhabited United States soil, equipped with tissues and a radio that only plays the latest Top 40 hits.

Each safe space will consist of a small fort made out of cardboard boxes. Audio engineers will pad the walls in such a way that improves the room’s ability to echo. Where local municipalities are able to accomodate, pillows and blankets will also be provided, making the safe space fort extra rad.

With this nationwide network of safe spaces implemented, you will have the option, upon hearing any type of idea that makes you uncomfortable, to immediately run into the safe space and calm yourself down. You will only hear the sounds of your own voice, telling you that you’re right and everyone else is wrong.

I feel safer already..